🔗 Share this article

One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?